Men Help Me Understand You

A mini experiment is getting into the minds of men. And in my dating adventures, I feel like I am doing sociological field research. I am brought back to my senior year in college when I had to complete one quarter of field research. It was bogus. I did something on race and disparity. Your typical sociological ware, if you will. Nothing that excited me because it was old already to me. Yeah, race, class, and all that -- I know that's how life is. Tell me something I don't already know.

So in my discussions with men of late, I am trying to conduct a mini experiment. I don't know if it's the men I'm really studying, or myself. Probably both. Or probably about me. And sometimes as I gain knowledge about men - I feel like I'm maturing but it's kind of a bummer. It makes me that bit more cynical, skeptical. It extinguishes a spark in my heart. It chips away at the wall of innocent love. And I don't know what's better for me. To know and really understand men, or to still believe that there is such a thing called a soul mate. It's like the mature me is pulling against the innocent naive me. Who will win in the end?

Will I keep the faith? Will I continue in this experiment of life? Will I release and let the universe guide me? Will I meet that awesome guy which a part of me has always believed exists and who is meant for me? Or will I give in to reason, to reality? And live a life that's not meant for me? Or will I believe in that magic? Even if at the risk of never meeting anyone. The risk of being wrong.

Why are some men players? Why are some men so good? Why are some men so hot? Why are so many others not?

I'm just independent. Too independent maybe for my own good. Yet I still think it's a good thing. I don't have to tolerate certain things. I have my own life. I am happy all by myself. And that's why that young at heart part of me, that me who's in love with love - that part of me intuits my soul mate and knows he is reaching me, he is coming to retrieve my soul to be with his. He's going to enhance my life, and I his. We'll already be our own independent, beautiful, gracious loving selves. He's my dream, and I'm his. Because some dreams do come true if you believe in it enough. The universe conspires with you to bring it into fruition. My love is my world. That's all my world is. Love.