It's Been A While

I remember one of my neighbors and high school classmates telling me, "If you don't follow your heart, your heart will follow you." And how true did that turn out to be? What am I talking about right now - I'm not sure. Just that I'm thirty five years old and still trying to figure life out. But I've got the heart of a kid, and an old soul at the same time. Am I even making sense to myself?

So here's the thing - this is just my story about life - about trying to figure life out. I'm no more special than anyone else out there in this grand old world of ours. But I'm special at the same time. It's a story about a girl trying to find her identity, her way in the world - and frankly I'll be dog gone honest about it - I'm not sure if I've figured anything out at this point.

I want to connect with people out there - but I'm more of an introvert - and being in large gatherings of people is so draining on my spirit. Like this coachella event that just took place this weekend. I can see that for a lot of people - it's a totally fun thing to do. I don't really see why though, especially if it's true you don't shower for the 3 days. But some people enjoy events like that, crowded with people, live music, and on and on. The comraderie, the exchanges that take place between the people - it's all fun. But to someone like me, who's most comfortable when she's home and in her house clothes (and by that I mean comfie clothes that I typically only wear at home - as opposed to full-blown pajamas), who's relaxed, and either by herself or with her close friends. I guess that makes me an introvert - or that's one of the things that makes me an introvert. I need my solitude. I need my quiet. Here's a cheer to all us introverts - and our need for me time. I can't imagine life without it.

A lot of what I write about revolves around love. I am forever the hopeless romantic and I haven't given up on one day meeting my soul-mate. Naive, maybe. Me, totally.

I'm also trying to find that happy medium, that balance - and Buddhist philosophy speaks so clearly to me in this respect. I mean more so, than my catholic teachings I was brought up with. But yes, I do still say a prayer to St. Jude when I need a miracle. Some things you can't help. Some things you don't want to help.

I stopped writing this blog a while ago - cuz I thought - what's the point? But here am I - months later back - I'm drawn to it. I'm writing for myself. But maybe someone will find interest or find it amusing, or be able to relate to some stuff. So here I go - I don't know my purpose, but I'm being pulled in a certain direction.