I must say - having a loving kitty cat sure helps one mend a broken heart. Buddy loves me unconditionally. He always wants to cuddle. Well maybe not always. But you know what I mean. He can't see why anyone wouldn't love me. That's what he tells me when he looks into my eyes as he is purring his little feline heart away.
As much as I try be hardened about love, even after my heart has been broken - it's no use. I'm a sucker for love. I'm not sure I've been so successful building that wall back up around my heart. I'm a little more cautious, sure. A little more alert to the red flags that might appear. But building the Berlin Wall around my heart - of this I am not capable. Maybe I'll get my heart broken again, though I sure hope I don't. I'm hoping the next time I get involved with someone for a period of time, it will be the real deal. There I go again - with my expectations.
Yesterday when I was out doing an errand, I caught glimpse of a guy who noticed me. And there was the reminder to me - that all is not over. Life is not over yet. There are other fish in the sea. He wasn't particularly my type. But maybe that's what I need - someone who I haven't yet considered. Maybe the next guy will surprise me. Who knows? It felt good to have someone notice me. And not just the bozos who notice anyone. Like the old man who saw me in the store with my niece, and told her she has a cute mommy. I just laughed and kept going. First of all, it's funny to me when people think I'm a mommy. Actually I love it. See I am a sucker. I can't wait to be a mommy myself. I love pretending that my niece or nephew is my own kid.
But I'm not a spring chicken anymore. Don't worry, my sis tells me -- look at Salma Hayek and Halle Berry. Having their first kid around 40. 40 is the new 20, she reminds me. Well I'm still in the first half of my thirties so I still have hope right. And I've got the Asian genes to keep me looking younger than my age. But even that gives me cause to worry. What if some guy is attracted to me because he thinks I am younger than I am. Will he still like me once he finds out my age? Or I am doomed to date younger guys? Not that much younger. I just have a tendency to date guys one to two years younger. Again, it is because I believe I am truly young at heart.
So I maintain hope. I maintain hope at finding love. I have so much love in my heart I don't know what to do with it. I would like to start my own family relatively soon. I know I should let go of certain expectations - but I can't help myself. Having a family of my own is one of my dreams. It just is.
Do you want a family too - soul mate? Wherever you are? Are you out there? Do you hear my soul calling out to yours? Will you find me one day? Will you find me? And take me into your arms, and never let me go?
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