Wednesday morning

It's Wednesday morning - or what so many office people refer to as hump day. Which I can't stand by the way. I don't know why. I hate that people call it hump day. Getting over the weekday hump - half way through the work week. It's trivial things like this that we working people have to say to ourselves to make ourselves feel better. Oh yeah, well it's not getting any better. Tomorrow will be Thursday, then Friday, then the weekend passes in a flash, and guess what folks - it'll be Monday again. Oh yes, all over again - it will happen. There's no end in sight to this working thing. It's hogwash, I tell you. You try to make yourself feel better by saying we've made it half way through the week. Well, frankly it doesn't make me feel better at all. Nonetheless, I too will try to make myself get through it.

Life is too short, as the comedian Katt Williams told me in our netflix movie night date last night. He's right. Life is too short to be doing things you don't want to do. But for some reason I haven't found a way to not work.

But I have dreams. Oh do I have dreams. Let me tell you about one of them. I fall in love with a fireman. Not a super young one, like many of them are. Not someone in their twenties - oh god - they would just be a kid, a juvenile. Not one of the old ones who wears a mustache - like they all seem to be required to have. No, not the chief of the station, or the captain. But someone in his thirties. Someone who's ready to settle down. Anyway, we fall in love, have a quaint and intimate wedding with family and close friends. Nothing outlandish or fancy. Because we're both mellow. But we're both madly in love in with each other. Why a fireman, you might ask? I wish I could tell you. I wish I could rid myself of this infatuation, this juvenile infatuation with men in navy blue uniforms that rescue people. And it's only firemen mind you. I'm not into the police. And I'm not into military boys.

We fall in love, like I was saying, and we move in together after the wedding. I have a baby relatively soon, and he tells me - oh honey, you don't have to work. I want you to be comfortable. I know it's such a hard job to raise our baby. And I want you to be able to do what you have to to raise our baby. I'm going to take care of you. You're my woman. You're my wife. You're the mother of my child. Oh yes, he will say that to me. And I'll say but baby, what about the money. What about my student loans? I'll try to get back to work as soon as possible. Don't be ridiculous. Do you think I care about money. I'm your man. I'm going to take care of you and our child. You're my queen. Besides, work stresses you out baby. And I want you to be happy. Oh yes, his mission in life will be how to make me happy. And don't get me wrong, that'll be my mission in life to. I will want to make him happy too. After all, he will be my king.

I wake up in the morning. Sometimes he will be gone already, having to get to the station early for his shift. I'll wake up and tend to our baby. I'll put the baby in the stroller and go for a morning walk. I'll come home and have my coffee and breakfast, feed the baby, and write. I'll write my heart out. Oh, and I'll become a published writer. I'll write children's stories and young adult novels. Because I have the heart of a kid. There's something naive about me. I'm not bitter. I am young at heart.

Sometimes my man will not come home because he has to work double shifts. He works overtime too to support us. And oh how I love him. He's a good man. He's a great man. He is kind and generous. We laugh all the time together. He has a young spirit too.

I eventually return to work, at least part time, because I want to contribute to our household. He doesn't understand why I want to return to work. But I don't want to take advantage of him. He's my life. I work a little bit, until it's time for the next baby to pop. We have a big family you see. We have four children. A house filled with the pitter patter of kids. With the cries, the screams, the ouchies, the love. Our home is filled with love. And don't forget the cat. He doesn't like cats, but he accepts that a cat is part of my life. Like I accept his dog. I'm not particularly fond of dogs, but for him, I accept it too.

We're family people. His family loves me and my family loves him. We become family. We have barbeques at our home with family and friends. We go on family trips. We grow closer each year we are together. We are best friends. We laugh, we cry, we get mad at each other, but at the end of the day we are in it to win it.

That is my dream. But far be it for me to say that will come true. You see I am torn. I am afraid sometimes to dream. For I have learned that life never ever turns out the way you planned. So what do I do? Do I prepare myself for the opposite to come true? I will stay single the rest of my life. Always dreaming of a life that is unattainable for me. I will become in the most traditional sense of the word, a spinster, a modern day spinster. Oh how I'll look upon those women with children, with envy, with contempt. They have what I want so bad. Or will I end up with a jerk, and get a divorce? I mean what's a girl to think? What am I to think when what I want or plan for life never happens?

I don't know the answer. But I know that dreaming feels good. And perhaps I am too much in my head, in my imagination, up in the clouds. But that is my nature. I am a Pisces after all. We are up in the clouds. We are aloof. And I'm an introverted Pisces at that.